Posted by
Semiquaver on Tuesday, October 21, 2008 7:07:40 PM
It has become apparent that Barack Obama's candidacy has energized the formerly living community to the extent that they may be voting in unprecedented numbers this year. ACORN (Association for Cadavers On Rosters Now!) has demonstrated its ability to mobilize this traditionally and quite frankly, lethargic group. The last time the deceased played a major role in the outcome of a presidential contest was in 1960 when Illinois went for John F. Kennedy, thanks largely to his overwhelming support among the previously animated.
Though fiercely Democratic, the newly departed have stayed away from the polls until recently and this is a testament to Senator Obama's charisma and powerful message for change. In addition, this often-marginalized group tends not to be reflected in polling data. Ask a dead person who they plan on voting for and it's more likely than not that you will be met with complete silence.
John McCain has yet to even mention the currently horizontal at any campaign event or debate and the Republican party's neglect of this very influential constituency is sure to cost them dearly in November.
It is unclear just how active a role the dead might play in an Obama administration, but surely they will demand a place at the table. Will they push for larger cemetaries, universal life insurance or fuel-efficient hearses? Will the issue of greenhouse gas emissions from crematories be swept under the rug? Will Halloween become a national holiday?
Nonliving Americans have yet to demonstrate their willingness to subsume their own narrow interests for the greater good and pandering to this crowd can only result in an expansion of their necrotic agenda. Life, after all, is for the living. Just don't try telling that to a corpse.